Just about one year ago, I had met a unqiue person through a posting on the Internet for a model willing to perform a fetish shoot… It was just one of many for me initially, but upon meeting this unique individual I felt a kindred connection with her. First off, she had this unqiue beauty to her - one that shines far beyond the physical type. Don’t get me wrong, physically she was the picture of my perfect girl - brunette, thin, and wonderful. I felt there was a bit of an extra connection there as well… but then again, my radar has always been broken…
After the shoot, we started talking more and became fast friends. She was in a bad relationship, rather abusive if you ask me. Not physically abusive, but mentally - and not the good type of abuse. (I’m sure as you read more and more of my posts, you’ll understand what I mean by that).
So, I decided to extend an olive branch, and help her out of a bad situation. Decided to give her a kickstart into a new life, hopefully one that will involve me in it. Helped her move out of her abusive situation, and into a better one. After many months of talking, and planning we finally went forward with it.
She moved, and got an apartment of her own and I helped her as much as I could.
Now, as we started to get to know each other better, I started to realize that she is as sick as I am. We both have the same sick thoughts, and desires. The more I learned about her, the more I was drawn in; mesmerized so to speak by her thoughts and desires. She started to become everything to me, my thoughts gravitated towards her, and her desires…
The thought of fullfilling some of her fantasies were intoxicating to me. She had dreamt of being taken, raped, and tortured until she was senseless. Now, this is something I’ve always wanted to do; and had one other opportunity to do so (which I’ll blog about another time).. so, after some talking, and a few shots of vodka we I could tell she was in such a mood.. being rather bitchy, and demanding and pushing me.. pushing me so that I would get mad, and angry and lunge after her.
This is where the nice side of me takes over, and believe me I want to kill that part of me for good. I take the abuse, over and over; not realizing that it was her trying to get me to go forward with our desires and fantasies… I just think, she is moody and needs some time… Yes, I could kick myself in the ass for these thoughts, and for thinking like that - but you see; I’ve never had someone in front of me that was like that, and for many many years I’ve learned to shield that side of my mind and desires - almost to the point that I’ve suffocated it to non-existance.
Over time though, that part of me starts to let go a bit… a bit here, and a bit there; with each dig from her onto me…
More to come later…
Recent Comments